Password Night

"I changed my password, now it’s her name and the way I used to talk to her". Huh! May be I am trying to be more romantic than I am. Yeah, that's what may be coz at 3 am nobody is bothered to change his password. Yes, I need a better tomorrow, a better life, better friends and everything better.

May be today evening and always that I say "I forgive you because I have no choice. If black humor is all I get, then I will laugh in my hell about how she got to travel. We never found the time." it’s all empty left behind those times. I know tonight she had more questions, than I had answers, and more than once I raised my hand rather than try. She stepped off that bus and never came home and I forgive you. You think I’m naive but you don’t know me. I have a complicated understanding of my feelings.

She looked at him and smiled without showing her teeth, as if they shared a secret joke. She hooked her arm around his waist; he pulled her shoulders close and together they gazed at what I dreamt of mine. Her smiles, lips and the warmth. It was not that time when I gave up. It was that birthday when she stood on the wheels whose winds takes away my believe in her, in all. She said she was up set and wanted to be happy without me. And may be better or not, I let her go with poise and guilt's in hand and arm. She hugged me before she left. It was long when i kissed her eye lids softly.


The next day was entirely different. Longer hours of sun were bringing the thaw. From time to time I stood and looked through the kitchen window at men on their bellies doing their work. We’re not religious about our work then why so. I asked the same question," Can I be the same, be the man which my Ma wanted me to be or my friends ever dreamt, a success? Huh! Who cares? I picked up my semi graded cell phone to call a few of my friends to ask whether they know the incident or not? Her brother got the first grade in his final papers. I was happy. But nobody knew it like I thought and exchanged a regular smile over the network. I understood, they know more than I believe, they knew we were broke.

I was totally drank that day, had a fight with her. I was questioning about her belongings, to me or to the car. She replied negative and i reached my room like the old king of tragedy with a bottle of Vodka and a few leaves of marijuana to puff away my pain in agony. A knock woke me and I thought that may be I took a long sleep with my tipsy heart. I pushed the wooden door which now sounds like a door on the sets of some mystery movies. Karrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............................I saw her standing in my favourite maroon salwar. I swear she was looking very beautiful but i was angry to react, so i decided to keep numb. I wanted to say look into my eyes, don't you know how it feels you go apart. But for heaven I never knew that miracle can happen like that. She came in and slapped me just before she kissed me. It was like I wanted to seal the moment into a bottle and throw it to the pacific so that no can finds it. We kissed like innocents, like wild, like everything. "Ummmmmmm... It’s not bad, I like you and don't want you to be stupid, i will kill you if you do the same again", she mesmerised my world.
OK! Now it’s nearly dawn, I need a cigarette; my laptop also blinks in low battery! Electricity still remains the problem for people like me in so called BPL. My God, it’s the last cigarette which I wanted to save for the morning urgency. Tomorrow is nothing new but Asom Banndh. So called liberalists called for the equal rights of all. Sometimes i ponder whether that day will arrive when we all will get that we deserve or we will end up fighting in many ways. Ufff......... too big for now to think, I need the puff. Search the drawer for those leaves which I wanted to leave may be long years ago. I know I still dope. Gone close to my shaded open window and lit it, amazing taste of tobacco runs through my curves of throat and accompany my thoughts. "Gosh! When the morning will come?”